I just finished reading an excellent piece in the NYT on the current overall state of marriage.  I'm also currently trying to finish this post as my wife would like me to get off the computer and spend time with her!

The quick takeaways for me are:

• Marriage has changed: we expect more out of the marriage and our mates than previous generations

• Marriage takes time: those able to spend more time on their marriage get more out of it, those who spend less get less enjoyment or end up divorced

• Marriage is unequal: those with more resources (i.e. rich) are more likely to stay together than those with less resources (i.e. poor).  

The resulting inequality marriage success rates reflect the broader inequality in our society.  The rich get richer (and stay married) while the poor get poorer (and get divorced).

What ways can we better support our marriages?  How can our livelihoods (i.e. jobs) support our spouses?  Will companies recognize that a healthy marriage makes for better (i.e. more productive) employees?

Marriage is hard work.  It is not all that is cracked up to be.  And yet don't those who choose to get married be given every opportunity and support to succeed?

I think so.

American hubris, here we go again.

In the wake of the Ukrainian uprising, there have been no shortage of Western opinions on how the U.S. should intervene or what the Ukranians should do.

Perhaps the best discussion I've heard was on my primary (and highly recommended) news source, Democracy Now!  

And perhaps the most general advice about possible American involvement in other country's affairs came at the end of this Thomas Friedman piece, "Don't Just Do Something. Sit There.":

To summarize/paraphrase Friedman:

1. We understand little of other country's complexities
2. We may be able to stop bad things from happening, but only at considerable cost
3. Trying to make good things happen replaces self-empowerment of the people

These points are powerful reminders to be cautious in finding solutions to others' problems, both as individuals and as a nation.

As my wife and I seek to make a living in a very beautiful but expensive place (Kaua'i), we are constantly exploring different ideas on how to be successful.  

That is, we are trying to answer: How do we make money such that we can stay and keep on living in this wonderful place?(!) 

People here in Kaua'i do all kinds of things to make a living.  Tourism is the number one industry, followed perhaps by the big agricultural industry (which has transformed from sugar cane to ranching to now GMO-testing or tourist ranches).  Then there is construction, environmental monitoring/protecting, bodywork, small businesses serving various clientele, etc.  

Overarching lesson: Each person has had to be quite creative to make a living here.

Given our experience, I read the NYT article, "What Drives Success?"  There are lots of details and anecdotes, but the core reasons that drive success culturally are in this key paragraph:

To summarize, cultures who have these traits/beliefs tend to be more successful as a group.  They believe they are:

• They believe they are Exceptional
  
• They feel they are Insecure
  
• They have a high degree of Impulse Control

The last point is no surprise for those familiar with The Marshmallow Test:

So controlling one's impulses while having a sense of insecurity yet also a sense of exceptionality leads to success in groups, in general.  This makes sense to me, and therefore the stories we tell to ourselves and to each other are crucial to our belief system and our future success.

Here's to telling positive, inspirational stories that also remind us of our insignificance/mortality, all the while building up our patience and perseverance!  

Today I will do my monthly habit of re-lending money on Kiva.org. When my wife Emily and I got married, we decided our wedding gift to our guests would be not just an awesome party of dancing and celebration, but also a card that said we would be investing the money in microfinance loans through Kiva.org.

Kiva allows you to easily make loans in increments of $25 to low-income people around the world.  You get to read their profiles, look at their picture and hear about how their business is going.  It's the gift that keeps on giving, as we've now used our original gift of about $2,000 to re-lend a total of over $15,000 for a total of 157 loans since we were married over 5 years ago!  Get started today for FREE with your own loan of $25 (donated by an anonymous giver).

I highly recommend getting involved yourself.  You have the opportunity to make a real change in someone's life, and then to re-lend the money or cash out once the money is paid back.  Kiva runs on donations, so they will ask you to donate money for expenses, but it's entirely optional.

Here is a video of how some microloans are being creatively used in Uganda.  (I lived and worked in East Africa for a year; click here to read more and see pictures on my blog.)