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What do you want?

4/3/2014

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Yesterday I posted to Facebook about this interesting documentary about a peculiar man who retired to simply skate.  Here is what I said in my post, followed by the video, courtesy of NYT after a successful Kickstarter campaign.
A different kind of retirement. Summary: "Slomo" used to be a doctor. An old man once told him to "Do what you want." As his eyesight started failing, he decided to "retire" and reinvent himself as someone who skates everyday down the San Diego boardwalk. He's perfected the art of skating slowly, tapping into the acceleration we feel as we glide on the earth's surface around the center of the earth (for an explanation, see about the 9:00 minute mark or so). He says he gets called all kinds of things, and thinks people react in different ways (mostly positive) to seeing someone doing exactly what they want to be doing. Pretty inspiring.
After accepting the advice to "do what you want to," 'SloMo' identifies the next step as figuring out what you want (let alone for now what makes you successful).  As I've mentioned in a previous post, I continue to struggle with a similar about wants in life, namely Who Am I? and What is my purpose?
Emily reminded me of a therapy technique used to identify what we want.  The theory behind it is that our emotions, both negative and positive, come from our core desires.  Put another way, our emotions are expressions of what we want.

The exercise is relatively simple, although you will want to write some things down or have a patient partner there to listen and help trace the pattern.  Here is the step-by-step process:
  1. Start with the intense emotion you feel.  Name it, whether it's sadness, anger, joy, etc.
  2. Next, ask yourself what the emotion makes you want to do?
  3. After naming that action, ask yourself how you would feel if you did what you wanted to do?
  4. Keep asking yourself what emotion you are feeling and resulting action you want to make until you reach a state where you are completely content. 

Think of emotions as layers of an onion.  Each layer is peeled away to reveal another emotion until you reach a core state of being where you desire to be for a long time, if not forever.  For most, this is complete and utter contentment, joy, peace, love or happiness.

The purpose of the exercise is to not simply uncover your core desire.  It is to show you how your emotional reaction to a situation is actually in your own self-interest in getting what you want.  Your core desire is just hidden in many layers.  This helps in understanding your emotions and how they serve your ultimate purpose.

Try it out next time you have an intense emotion that you're not sure where it came from.  What might initially appear as destructive behavior might lead to something more constructive.  
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Hikina-a-ka-la at Lydgate Beach Park

3/25/2014

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An article I wrote for a forthcoming driving-CD of the island of Kaua'i.  Visit www.kauaidrivetours.com for more information.
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Approaching Wailua from the south, you will see Lydgate Beach Park on your right just before you cross over the Wailua River.  This place of sea and sand marks the sacred gateway into the heart of the island.  Called hauola or “dew of life,” this area around the river’s mouth was well renown as a place of healing and wholeness.  Here many ancient Tahitian voyages would embark and arrive, and many ali’i or chiefs resided.  Remnants of large volcanic boulders just off shore create a small, somewhat protected area for swimming and snorkeling.  The last king of Kaua‘i, King Kaumualii, used to swim here.

At the north end of Lydgate Beach Park next to the river’s mouth is a heiau erected in the 14th century.  The original structure, called Hikina-a-ka-la or “The Rising of the Sun,” rose like a mighty fortress, measuring 80 feet wide and nearly 400 feet long, with walls six feet high and over eight feet thick.  Each day at dawn, the sun’s first rays broke through the sea’s salt spray and warmed the stacked stones.  Kahuna or priests would greet the rising sun with chants and prayers.  They placed wooden statues or ki’i along the river wall to keep watch and sway with the shifting tides. 
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Within the heiau walls was a pu’uhonua, a place of refuge for those fleeing a crime.  After a few days of performing sacred rights, a refugee would be released without being punished.  Various people sought refuge here during times of war.  

Today, all that remains are foundation stones amidst a grove of coconut trees.  Remember that this heiau is still a sacred place.  People often leave offerings wrapped in ti leaves.  May these offerings and this sacred place continue to offer healing for all. 
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Our Little Cottage That Could... Not

3/7/2014

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Since mid-February, Emily and I have been living in a small 100 sq. ft. (10x10) cottage.  We sleep in the loft above.  There is no plumbing and just an extension cord coming in so we can charge our phones at night.  When we first saw it, the place was filthy, covered in gecko poop and mold, as if no one had lived there in ages.  There are no windows - just screens - meaning we're exposed to the ocean breezes as well as any rain!  We walk about 20 yards to an outdoor shower.  There is a separate indoor sink and toilet for us to share with other small cabins on the property.  We also have access to the main large community building with a large living room and kitchen and dining area.  There are four apartments, most filled with families, that connect to the main area.  

In sum, it's a lot like camping, with a bit of a community feel, although most people do their own thing and there's little-to-no sense of common purpose.
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Our front entrance, living room, dining, office, bedroom... you get the picture, right?
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Our shelf, storage, closet, hanging space, desk... again, you get the idea.
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The ladder to the loft space
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Our bed in the loft
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Shedding the Should: Identity Identification

2/27/2014

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Since August 2013 when my two-year residency at First Pres Ann Arbor came to a close, I have been unemployed and working on a book about my grandfather.

I've discovered that writing is hard, and writing one's first book even is even harder.  Granted, I've been traveling throughout the fall and finally landed in Kaua'i with my wife Emily.  We are still trying to secure suitable housing in a place that is both incredibly beautiful AND expensive.

Not being settled or having a routine has not made the writing any easier (like the litote?  Anyone, anyone?? Not even my spellcheck?!).  And all the devilish thought-demons begin to emerge:
  • What stories have I told myself that aren't true?
  • Where am I "shoulding" on myself?  I should be this or I should be that...
  • Doesn't someone need me?
  • Why not let other set an agenda for me?  Striking out on one's own is just too hard.


So for inspiration, I have read a lot of blogs (notice: each word takes you a to different blog), not to mention a ton of eBooks and online videos.

One thing that has become apparent to me is aligning my goals in life with my identity.  

Now, I have never been very good at taking on a specific identity.  I identified as a "floater" in high school, unwilling to commit or see myself a part of any specific group.  Later in college, a mentor had me write "Who Am I?" at the top of the page and fill it out for the next week...

I still have that page, and it is still blank:
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And in case you're wondering what is on the other side:
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So yeah, I struggle with Who I am and My Purpose in Life.  Yet recently I've decided to make some headway in this area.  

I realize that my fear of taking on any identity keeps me muddled in a mental morass of what I am suppose to do day-to-day, let alone my purpose in life.

My solution: Take on an identity moment-by-moment, hour-by-hour.  

Maybe eventually I'll work my way up to a day, a week, a month... a lifetime.  

But for now, in this moment, I am a blogger.  Soon I will transition to being a writer and working on my book.  This afternoon I will be a frisbee thrower.  Tonight: a husband, a partner.  When I'm cooking, I am a cook.  When I'm reading, I am a reader.

Sounds simple enough.  And maybe once I get used to identifying with these different hats, I will be closer to identifying with me, Evans.  

Who is that guy, anyway?
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How Little We Know

2/24/2014

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American hubris, here we go again.

In the wake of the Ukrainian uprising, there have been no shortage of Western opinions on how the U.S. should intervene or what the Ukranians should do.

Perhaps the best discussion I've heard was on my primary (and highly recommended) news source, Democracy Now!  
And perhaps the most general advice about possible American involvement in other country's affairs came at the end of this Thomas Friedman piece, "Don't Just Do Something. Sit There.":
But we should have learned some lessons from our recent experience in the Middle East: First, how little we understand about the social and political complexities of the countries there; second, that we can — at considerable cost — stop bad things from happening in these countries but cannot, by ourselves, make good things happen; and third, that when we try to make good things happen we run the risk of assuming the responsibility for solving their problems, a responsibility that truly belongs to them.
To summarize/paraphrase Friedman:
  1. We understand little of other country's complexities
  2. We may be able to stop bad things from happening, but only at considerable cost
  3. Trying to make good things happen replaces self-empowerment of the people

These points are powerful reminders to be cautious in finding solutions to others' problems, both as individuals and as a nation.
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One Billion Rising

2/14/2014

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For the second year in a row, Emily participated in a V-day (Valentine's or Vagina, take your pick) event to celebrate women's bodies and bring attention to the abuse women suffer from around the world.
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Last year we were in Ann Arbor on the Diag at the University of Michigan.  This year we were at the Kaua'i Community College of the University of Hawaii.
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The choreographed dance was beautifully done, and ends with hands raised before they slowly lower and point right at you, the audience, to remind us that we all have a duty to stand up and defend women's rights.  

A powerful yet celebratory message.  You can listen to the amazing song, "Break The Chain," they danced to below.
One billion rising indeed.
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Pastoral Care: Listening is a Skill

2/2/2014

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One of my top skills on LinkedIn is "Pastoral Care."  

I've always found pastoral care to be an enigma.  Compared to doctors, firefighters, psychologists and others who give care to people, a pastor's care feels somehow both superficial and substantive.  

I would venture to say that most spiritual things embody this conflicting traits: superficial yet substantive.

Pastoral care training is essentially about becoming a better listener.  

It takes an incredible amount of attention and a lot of humility.  

It is like meditating in someone else's head.

I thought about this after reading this story from the comments section of this post:
"I remember a mini-Paradigm Shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a subway in New York. People were sitting quietly -- some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene. Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed.

The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people's papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing. It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too.

So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, "Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn't control them a little more?"

The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, 'Oh, you're right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don't know what to think, and I guess they don't know how to handle it either.'

Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn't have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with the man's pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. "Your wife just died? Oh, I'm so sorry. Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?"

Everything changed in an instant."

When we listen with intention and care, we get out of ourselves and into another.

We enter a new world.

And our world is forever changed.

May you listen today with all of our mind, all of your heart, all of your soul, and all of your strength.
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Forts Into Fountains

9/10/2013

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Fort or Fount Drummondd?Fort Drummond... now Fount Drummond?
Near Niagara falls, there is a park where the Battle of Queenston Heights was fought.  It was the opening foray of the War of 1812, where American troops crossed the Niagara River and scaled these heights before becoming overwhelmed by the British and forced to surrender.

Fort Drummond, pictured above, was a circular earthworks wall built in 1814 by a British commander (of whom the Fort was named) and for two weeks was used by American Forces during the Battle of Chippewa.  The blue mushroom figure in the background is a fountain of some sort.

I found the whole scene hauntingly poetic... a deserted fort now a deserted fountain... the ghosts of soldiers huddled next to the walls where parents now watch their children play (when they're not on their iDevices!) ... the children, playing and splashing in the water as they dance on the graves of those who fought long ago.

Without getting into the politics of that war nearly 200 years ago, and as we follow the continued civil war in Syria, debating our own involvement, I pray for the day when all battlefields become beautiful like this one.

May swords be made into plowshares.  May forts be made into fountains.

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Canada* Makes Me Less Smart

9/9/2013

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I was recently in Toronto, Canada where I biked along the lakeshore, took the ferry out to Toronto Island and biked some more before relaxing and playing frisbee on some nice beaches.  When I got back in the car to head to Niagara Falls, however, I was without a map - hard copy or on my various devices without an internet or cell connection.  I quickly realized how dependent I was on my smart phone, and how dumb I had become without it.

Indeed, having a smart phone is an addiction for many of us.  Those without cell or smart phones just want some peace and quite, even paying to get away from technology for a weekend.  The video below dramatizes what our lives have become in the smart phone / dumb person era:

The question then becomes, are we more or less connected now in the age of the mobile internet?  Some would argue that we are more connected to those far away but less connected to those around us, especially those we are physically with, and even ourselves.  There is an app for everything to get more and more done via multitasking, etc., and the more we do the more we have to manage and communicate in a never-ending cycle.  

What we really need is a breath of fresh air and to do less. However, it's hard to exit the race when everyone else is caught up in the same tide.  We have to come together, either to escape to technology-free weekends or to agree corporately that our sphere of work is not going to expect us to be available 24/7.  And the surprising thing is, when we set limits in when we work, we actually become more productive.  

Go figure.  But first, stay, relax, take some time to be outdoors and remember what it's like to be a human being without touching something electronic.

* It's not actually Canada that makes me less smart; just not having a cell plan that works in Canada!
UPDATE: A blessing I found in a section called "MAPLESS" from Jan Richardson's "In the Sanctuary of Women", p. 305.
And so let us give praise
for the places
that are mapless
chartless
without direction or sign.

Let us give thanks
for all they call forth:
for the questions
they require,
for the imagination
they summon,
for the path
they make
through the territory
of the heart.
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