Doubting Thomas - Nickel Creek
Originally posted 4/7/2013 under musings
Today many people going to churches who follow the lectionary will hear the story of "doubting Thomas" as read in the closing of the Gospel of John (John 20:19-31). It's an interesting way for John to end the book, begging the questions:
And yet we can say God promises never to stop loving - us, others, all of creation. The movement of love keeps us going even when we do not feel safe. May we find rest in this love movement and not on our own laurels, trying to shore up comfort and security. May love flood our lives and overwhelm our senses, that we may be bold lovers even if we quake in our boots and cower in safety at times.
Each of us may be a doubting Thomas of little faith, yet our little faith moves mountains.
Today many people going to churches who follow the lectionary will hear the story of "doubting Thomas" as read in the closing of the Gospel of John (John 20:19-31). It's an interesting way for John to end the book, begging the questions:
- Who are the witnesses of good news today?
- How can we bear witness to good news today?
I explore these questions in the sermon I preached today. I didn't have time to go into these lyrics by Nickel Creek, but I found them to be quite powerful, identifying ourselves with Thomas and the tension to live out our faith:
"Doubting Thomas"
by Nickel Creek
What will be left when I've drawn my last breath
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who've known me
Will I discover a soul-saving love
Or just the dirt above and below me
I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
But I do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith
Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face
Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward
If there's a master of death
I bet he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power
I'm a doubting Thomas
I can't keep my promises
Cause I don't know what's safe
Oh me of little faith
Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die
Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted
I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
Though I know nothin's safe
Oh me of little faith
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who've known me
Will I discover a soul-saving love
Or just the dirt above and below me
I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
But I do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith
Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face
Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward
If there's a master of death
I bet he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power
I'm a doubting Thomas
I can't keep my promises
Cause I don't know what's safe
Oh me of little faith
Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die
Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted
I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
Though I know nothin's safe
Oh me of little faith
I love the question of mortality brought up in the first verse. What will be left of me, evidence of love or simply some dirt? Thomas certainly has mortality on his mind; he isn't even around when the disciples first gather behind close doors. He fears for his life, and also wonders if Jesus is actually alive. The third verse gets into this tension of being afraid both of a lie and to die. Looking back at verse two, there are times when we and Thomas alike want to be jolted awake with a slap in the face to really believe and act on our beliefs... and then we also fall on our knees begging for mercy when we still fail to act. We beg for eyes to see and ears to hear, for forgiveness when we fail to recognize the signs or have wasted time.
In all this wandering and mixed emotion, is there any progression in the song? The key appears to be in the chorus. The first and last stanzas of the chorus remain the same, making a sandwich around the transforming innards. The song begins and ends with "I'm a doubting Thomas," lamenting "Oh me of little faith." But follow the threads of promise and safety and there's some interesting movement:
Promise: The singer goes from "I took a promise" to "I can't keep my promises" to "I'll take your promise." Essentially the singer is moving from a place of trusting in oneself to trusting in God, in something that will keep the promise even when we ourselves can't. That's a pretty powerful step of faith.
Safety: The singer moves from "But I do not feel safe" to "Cause I don't know what's safe" to "Though I know nothin's safe." It's almost as if all hope is lost. Safety begins in a feeling, then moves into uncertainty before arriving in the reality that nothing is safe. And it's true: nothing is safe.When we face up to our own mortality, we must agree that we are all going to end up dead. Our memories are carried on by those who've known us, but will we be remembered for our love or simply as dirt in the ground. And if dirt, we should all treat the earth with a little more care, as our ancestors reside there. Yet there is a promise in Christianity that our love will outlast our lives, just as Jesus' love outlasted his own life. This love may get contorted or misunderstood or even lost at times.
And yet we can say God promises never to stop loving - us, others, all of creation. The movement of love keeps us going even when we do not feel safe. May we find rest in this love movement and not on our own laurels, trying to shore up comfort and security. May love flood our lives and overwhelm our senses, that we may be bold lovers even if we quake in our boots and cower in safety at times.
Each of us may be a doubting Thomas of little faith, yet our little faith moves mountains.