Since August 2013 when my two-year residency at First Pres Ann Arbor came to a close, I have been unemployed and working on a book about my grandfather.

I've discovered that writing is hard, and writing one's first book even is even harder.  Granted, I've been traveling throughout the fall and finally landed in Kaua'i with my wife Emily.  We are still trying to secure suitable housing in a place that is both incredibly beautiful AND expensive.

Not being settled or having a routine has not made the writing any easier (like the litote?  Anyone, anyone?? Not even my spellcheck?!).  And all the devilish thought-demons begin to emerge:

• What stories have I told myself that aren't true?
• Where am I "shoulding" on myself?  I should be this or I should be that...
• Doesn't someone need me?
• Why not let other set an agenda for me?  Striking out on one's own is just too hard.

So for inspiration, I have read a lot of blogs (notice: each word takes you a to different blog), not to mention a ton of eBooks and online videos.

One thing that has become apparent to me is aligning my goals in life with my identity.  

Now, I have never been very good at taking on a specific identity.  I identified as a "floater" in high school, unwilling to commit or see myself a part of any specific group.  Later in college, a mentor had me write "Who Am I?" at the top of the page and fill it out for the next week...

I still have that page, and it is still blank:

And in case you're wondering what is on the other side:

So yeah, I struggle with Who I am and My Purpose in Life.  Yet recently I've decided to make some headway in this area.  

I realize that my fear of taking on any identity keeps me muddled in a mental morass of what I am suppose to do day-to-day, let alone my purpose in life.

My solution: Take on an identity moment-by-moment, hour-by-hour.  

Maybe eventually I'll work my way up to a day, a week, a month... a lifetime.  

But for now, in this moment, I am a blogger.  Soon I will transition to being a writer and working on my book.  This afternoon I will be a frisbee thrower.  Tonight: a husband, a partner.  When I'm cooking, I am a cook.  When I'm reading, I am a reader.

Sounds simple enough.  And maybe once I get used to identifying with these different hats, I will be closer to identifying with me, Evans.  

Who is that guy, anyway?

I am about to finish book two of George R. R. Martin's epic fantasy A Song of Ice and Fire, known as A Game of Thrones on HBO, the name of the first book in what is to be a seven-book series . . . kind of like Harry Potter, but rated R, if not NC-17.

Each chapter in the books is written from the vantage point of a particular character.  The reader returns to these characters throughout the book, but do not be fooled into thinking any character, and I mean ANY character, is safe or central enough to the plot that s/he won't be killed off.  In fact, as I was told before even diving into the series, if you like a character, that character will probably die and perhaps in a quite horrific death.  Hence, I think I will now start referring to the series as "A Game of Bones."

In light of the fact there is no main character and any protagonist could and does die, the question must be asked, Why read this series?  There are a number of reasons, including:

• an epic fantasy world that rivals if not surpasses Tolkien's Middle Earth in its scope and ancient lore (if not languages)
  
• an adult version of Harry Potter with all of the sex, gore, greed and politics one would expect of adults (I'll also add the scene descriptions do not go on forever like Tolkien nor do the descriptions of food and merriment, like Brian Jacques' Redwall series.)
• an interesting postmodern account where each person's limited perspective often only gives the reader pieces to put together of what is happening
• magic plays a periphery part; the story is more about compelling characters caught up in world-changing events.  But don't be fooled: there is magic, to be sure.

All of these reasons coupled with good writing make for an entertaining treat.  Listening to it on audiobook with Roy Dotrice's world record-breaking voices makes it even better, especially with all of the driving and WOOFing I've been doing lately.  

That said, I'm compelled to continue and complete the series (once the final two books are finished) not simply to find out how it all ends, but because I think Martin is onto something grandeur than we readers - much less our characters - can foresee.  Looking at the titles of the books so far:

1. A Game of Thrones
   
2. A Clash of Kings
   
3. A Storm of Swords
   
4. A Feast for Crows
   
5. A Dance of Dragons
   
6. The Winds of Winter (planned)
   
7. A Dream of Spring (planned; formerly A Time for Wolves)
   

Now I've only read through Book Two, but looking at these titles and considering the series' overall title, A Song of Ice and Fire, I think Martin is peeling back the layers one by one.  Without giving away too much, there seems to be icy threats from the north and fire-y threats from the south/west that come into larger and larger play as the course of events move on.  People are focused largely on a throne in the Seven Kingdoms, but the world is a much larger place than any of them realize.  Events are beyond their control.  They scheme, they fight, they create, they destroy, they live, they die.  They do what they will in a world that seems almost indifferent to them at times.  And ultimately their purpose in life plays a much smaller and different role than they had expected.  Catastrophic chance as well as cold calculation constantly collide, and some survive while others die.  Nothing is for certain, not even the change in seasons.  The story is ruthless, painful, threatens to undue all kinds of meaning or storytelling (at least in the traditional sense).  And yet it is captivating all the same, because, arguably, it is more "real" than most fiction in how it portrays the whims and wills of life with all of its meaning and mystery.  

More writers have been brought in to help finish the series. The added scenes in the television series flesh out the characters and add tantalizing revelations that our limited narrated view does not see or reveal in the books.  Martin wants to write other tales within the Song of Ice and Fire universe.  I'm impressed so far with his Magnum Opus.  The challenge will be to continue to care about characters whose fate and fortune are so very mortal at times, even as their lives soar on the winds of the majestic and the mundane.

It is the new year, and with it come all of the end-of-year summations, highlights and stories.  I was amused if not horrified to read that even less Republicans believe in evolution compared to four years ago, down to 43%.  

After reading the classics Robert Putnam's Bowling Alone and Sam Harris' The End of Faith, I wonder if people identify their religious beliefs not on scientific reasoning but community connections.  Our increased individualistic society is only made worse by internet companies that keep us in what Eli Pariser calls a Filter Bubble.  Yet finding common cause on the internet can create and support shared common values, of the religious or areligious type.

Community is key to believing.  We are influenced by those around us and the sites we visit.  Diversity is important not only to 'keep things interesting,' but also to ensure we do not become stagnant in our beliefs.  If we want to share our beliefs, be they secular or spiritual, it is better to do so through relationship rather than pure reason.