I've discovered that writing is hard, and writing one's first book even is even harder. Granted, I've been traveling throughout the fall and finally landed in Kaua'i with my wife Emily. We are still trying to secure suitable housing in a place that is both incredibly beautiful AND expensive.
Not being settled or having a routine has not made the writing any easier (like the litote? Anyone, anyone?? Not even my spellcheck?!). And all the devilish thought-demons begin to emerge:
- What stories have I told myself that aren't true?
- Where am I "shoulding" on myself? I should be this or I should be that...
- Doesn't someone need me?
- Why not let other set an agenda for me? Striking out on one's own is just too hard.
So for inspiration, I have read a lot of blogs (notice: each word takes you a to different blog), not to mention a ton of eBooks and online videos.
One thing that has become apparent to me is aligning my goals in life with my identity.
Now, I have never been very good at taking on a specific identity. I identified as a "floater" in high school, unwilling to commit or see myself a part of any specific group. Later in college, a mentor had me write "Who Am I?" at the top of the page and fill it out for the next week...
I still have that page, and it is still blank:
I realize that my fear of taking on any identity keeps me muddled in a mental morass of what I am suppose to do day-to-day, let alone my purpose in life.
My solution: Take on an identity moment-by-moment, hour-by-hour.
Maybe eventually I'll work my way up to a day, a week, a month... a lifetime.
But for now, in this moment, I am a blogger. Soon I will transition to being a writer and working on my book. This afternoon I will be a frisbee thrower. Tonight: a husband, a partner. When I'm cooking, I am a cook. When I'm reading, I am a reader.
Sounds simple enough. And maybe once I get used to identifying with these different hats, I will be closer to identifying with me, Evans.
Who is that guy, anyway?